I can't explain it. I don't know what is happening to my life. I am not one to take on challenges well like I have seen many good friends do. We are all healthy (except my mental well being). I could not imagine if health were to fail on anyone of my kids. We are all well taken care of we still have our house. I just feel like my life is spinning out of control.
I stopped listening to the news and talk radio because I felt it was negative. I have been praying more trying hard in a lot of ways but I can't seen to dig myself out of this hole I am in and I am scared. Why do we go through things like this? I know it is for me to grow and learn something from it. I keep thinking I have learned but then something else happens and I realize I still have to learn. I want it all to stop because I feel like I can't take much more. Then I remember only the Lord knows how much we could handle. I am in contact with Him a lot through the day I tell Him I want things to be better. I hope I don't lose my hope. I wish all the pain I feel and have in my heart were all physical then I could take some thing to ease it away. When those you love so much are not there for you and do not help you in your time of need it hurts more. I hate emotional pain. In the past I have dealt with in awful ways that I am tyring not to do. I know this blog entry must sound so down and I am sorry for that. I am very thankful for my friends who help me feel loved and cared about. They are one reason I know Heavenly Father hears me. I am just waiting for my lesson to be over. So I could look back and laugh at the way things were. I know that everything is done in dew time. I am just ready for it to be time.